Love is a verb, meaning, you need to be proactive in your relationship or in dating so you can reach the relationship goals you want to get to.
But how do you love someone properly? What is true love, and how can you attain it in your relationship?
The truth is, true love isn’t something you “find,” and it’s not something you just get without hard work. If you want to love someone the right way, it takes dedication and effort.
It’s so easy to say you “love” your favorite sweater, or you “love” a piece of jewelry, or you “love” chocolate. But what does it mean to “love” someone?
Love is something that you do. Love is an action. Love requires you to do something. It’s not about your partner doing something for you or to you. That’s you being loved. But for you to love someone else means that you do something. And to do something requires a conscious choice.
To love someone unconditionally. We hear this all the time. But what does it truly mean?
To love them and all of their parts.
I believe that when most people say “I love you,” they’re really saying “I love all of the happy, fun, shiny parts of you.”
But what about the not so pretty, happy parts?
To really love someone means to love them. To love all of them and all of their parts; to love the essence of them. It’s a love that isn’t dependent upon anything else, and even deeper than that, to be fully understood. To “know” the “real you” (not just in the biblical sense) but truly know and understand you and your inner workings; why you do what you do.
But how do you do this?
The answer is simple: Get curious about your partner, about your loved one. Really try to understand who they are, why they do what they do, how do they think.
It’s a simple answer, but it is not so simple to implement. This is part of the reason why relationships are hard. And relationships with love are even harder.
For instance, when your partner says or does something that has you feeling frustrated or like you’re ready to explode with anger and upset, rather than responding in that way, when you feel that coming on within you, stop and breathe.
Then, ask your partner questions about it.
For instance, you can say: “Why would you say that?” or “Why would you do that?” or “What’s going on that’s making you say/do something like that?” or “I don’t understand why you did that. Help me understand what you’re thinking.” Or “What is your thought process regarding that?”
Then, listen! Really listen. Ask follow-up questions to truly understand your partner.
This will not be easy the first few times that you try this. It takes effort and focus and energy.
The speaker says that to really love someone you have to take the time to focus attention on them and ask questions and get curious about who they are. This is what the “work” in relationships is about.
When was the last time that you took the time to get to know your partner today? Who is he or who is she being today?
These are the kinds of conversations you need to have with your partner. And through your conversations, it effectively deepens your relationship and love for each other.
Relationships take work — for a lifetime. True love is right there, ready for you to help it grow. Get started now; what are you waiting for?