Sometimes I catch myself wondering - am I expecting too much from my friends?

It happens quietly. Maybe I text someone and they take hours, even days, to reply. Or I plan something, and they cancel last minute. A small part of me feels hurt, even though I know life gets busy. Then I ask myself, “Would I have done the same to them?”

The truth is, I might not have. I’m the type who remembers birthdays, checks in when someone goes quiet, and tries to make people feel seen. But lately, I’ve started to wonder - should friendship be equal in effort, or is it okay if it’s sometimes lopsided?

What do I really expect?

I expect my friends to care. Not to be perfect, not to text every day - but to show up when it matters. I expect honesty, understanding, and a little patience. But then I think - everyone has their own version of what “showing up” means.

Some people express love through words. Others do it through actions. Some withdraw when they’re struggling, not because they don’t care, but because they don’t know how to ask for help. I’ve realized that not everyone loves or supports in the same way I do.

Have I made friendship a checklist?

Sometimes I think I have. I measure how much they do for me, how often they remember things, how quickly they respond. But friendship isn’t a transaction - it’s a connection. And when I start counting, I forget why I love them in the first place.

So, do I expect too much?

Maybe. Or maybe I just expect differently.

I expect emotional availability in a world that’s often emotionally tired. I expect time from people who are stretched thin. I expect consistency in a life that’s constantly changing. Maybe that’s not too much - maybe it’s just a lot.

What I’ve learned

I don’t think I expect too much; I think I expect the wrong people to meet certain needs.

No single friend can be everything. And that’s okay.

Some friends are for deep talks, some are for laughter, some for quiet company. Expecting one person to fill every emotional gap sets everyone up for disappointment - including me.

My conclusion

So, no—I don’t think I expect too much.

I think I’m just learning what’s fair to ask, what’s mine to handle, and how to love people without keeping score.

Friendship isn’t about lowering expectations - it’s about understanding them.

And maybe, just maybe, giving a little grace - to my friends, and to myself.

Would you say you expect too much from your friends? Or are you, like me, still learning what “enough” really means?