In the world of online dating, first impressions don’t come from a smile or a handshake - they come from your first message. Whether you’re on Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, Tveni or any other app, that first line can make or break your chance at a real connection. So how do you send a message that stands out, feels genuine, and actually gets a reply?

Let’s break down the art of sending the perfect first message.

1. Start With Something Specific

A generic “Hey” or “What’s up?” won’t get you far. The key to standing out is showing you actually read their profile. Find a small detail that catches your attention and build your opener around it.

Example:

“I saw you love hiking - do you have a favorite trail around here?”

Why it works: It’s specific, opens the door for conversation, and shows you’re paying attention.

2. Keep It Light (and Positive!)

Online dating is about connection and curiosity - not interrogation. Avoid starting with heavy topics or long monologues. Instead, keep your tone light and fun.

Try something like:

“Your dog looks like he runs the show - what’s his name?”

“Okay, I need to know the story behind that travel photo!”

These types of messages create energy and warmth, which are far more likely to lead to a reply.

3. Use Humor (If It’s Natural to You)

A little humor goes a long way, but it has to feel genuine. Avoid canned jokes or pick-up lines. Instead, lean into playful curiosity or gentle teasing.

Example:

“You said you’re a coffee addict - should I be worried if we go for tea instead?”

It’s confident, friendly, and invites a fun response.

4. Ask Open-Ended Questions

A yes/no question can kill a conversation before it starts. Instead, ask questions that invite storytelling or opinions.

Instead of:

“Do you like movies?”

Try:

“What’s the last movie that made you laugh out loud?”

You’ll get a much more interesting - and reply-worthy - response.

5. Match Their Energy

If their profile is filled with humor, lean into it. If they seem more low-key or introspective, go for thoughtful and kind. Matching energy is a subtle way to show compatibility right from the start.

6. Keep It Short and Sweet

Your first message isn’t an essay. It’s an icebreaker. Aim for two to three sentences max. You’re showing interest - not trying to close the deal right away.

7. End With an Invitation to Respond

Give them something to answer. A small hook or question makes it easy for them to continue the chat.

Example:

“I saw you love cooking- what’s your go-to comfort meal?”

“You mentioned you’re into live music - seen any great shows lately?”

Final Thought

The perfect first message isn’t about being the most clever or charming person in the app - it’s about being genuine, curious, and kind. If you can make someone smile, laugh, or feel seen, you’ve already done better than 90% of messages out there.

So next time you’re tempted to type “Hey,” stop and look at their profile one more time. Find the spark. Then send the message that you’d want to receive.